Bd Sm Library

Psychology of leather, part 2

The following is the conclusion of my interview with David Ortmann, a San Francisco-based psychotherapist, sex therapist, and author. His areas of clinical focus and study include the sexuality of the BDSM, Kink, Fetish, and Leather communities, and more. Thank you, David, for taking the time to share your expertise!

Scott Brogan: Aside from the Daddy/boy and Master/slave dynamic, open relationships seem more prevalent in the leather community than in the greater gay community. Is this because the leather community is generally more promiscuous? Is it the leather/fetish dynamic?

David Ortmann: Well, not all Daddy/boy and Master/slave relationships are open, and I don't think queer or kink communities are more promiscuous in general, but we have the liberty to say how and when we have sex, a freedom that, oddly, came out of social oppression.

There are evolutionary, socio-economic, and religious reasons for monogamy, but it's a relatively new concept, born of a need to keep agrarian, heterosexual families together. Later, this became about land ownership and finance. Monogamy has more to do with capitalism and law than about love and romance. Families stayed together because they had to, and monogamy fit that reality. That isn't the socio-economic case today.

I'm not criticizing monogamy. It's one way to form a relationship. I will criticize judging other models as substandard. What a sadly limited way of viewing human relations! The idea of people having sex with, even loving, people other than a primary partner is strangely inconceivable in America. Remember when Mo'Nique disclosed her open relationship with her husband, Sidney? Sometimes it takes a public figure to fracture a social taboo. Marlene Dietrich wearing men's suits (a practice common for women in Weimar Republic Germany) upon her arrival in Hollywood in 1930 was a scandal! Naturally, Dietrich wore them anyway, had an open marriage, a child, and was openly bisexual. In 1930! This isn't new, but we still gorge on sensationalism in America. Would you rather read about Mo'Nique and Sidney making breakfast together, or would you rather read about Jude Law diddling the nanny?

If people were encouraged to honor their desires, we'd see a lot less failed "monogamous" relationships and hear far less about "cheating." Maybe your relationship is exclusive, open, or in transition. Maybe you're having sex three-to-four times a week, or maybe playing chess is more fun right now. It's only for the people in that relationship to decide. Not me, not you, and not society.

Hello BDSM Library

Hello to everyone here. My name's Ash, I'm 18 and I'm a total newbie to BDSM. You could say I'm something of an observer, taking things in and learning what I can, rather than one to jump in the deep end. I'm here to meet new people, and maybe - just maybe, try my hand at a BDSM relationship, online to start with, and if all goes well, move to real-time.

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